Lily Molina

mustard’s captives

Wisps of yellowing stalks surround my bare feet, toes painted teal
the golden red Scarf also draped across my shoulders and my fingers folicking
Alongside the mustard plant,
tugging, the push and pull then the mustard lets go of its grip
Releases and the fringes caress my calves. Cape-like
Yellow petals drifting to the dirt,
 tinier seeds falling by the hundred into the earth
settling… spreading, sprouting…Suffocating
out golden Poppies and sage brush, wildflowers that never grew

OFF TRAILS FORBIDDEN the sign reads
My cape continues to drop the mustard seeds as my fingers keep dancing above
The blackeyed california sunflower brushes,
collecting a few of the fullest stems
Bold black center with seeds frilly within white cocoon dropping behind me
Clippings in hand for my vase to be drowned
Past the gate and into the kitchen, bare shouldered was I
 lukewarm water, too much sugar
Seeds on the wooden floor, later swept and thrown away
Seeds abandoned on the table brushed off to join their comrades.

Yellow elongated petals bruised brown, winkled
The mustard seeds sweetly settles, slowly sprouts and suffocates
The yellow californian sunflowers blackeyed and wilted.
Faded scarf hung by the rusty gate,
The fringes dotted with the petals and seeds of paths I wandered
My toes are dusty and my teal paint chipped off
Glinting against the earth, my feet are in sandals against the bare dirt and dust.

Submitting my piece this was drafted for a class assignment 2021,  but I love this piece because it reflects my values as a conservationist. As a Deaf woman, this is one of my first few works with Poetry and Free Verse at that. I’m a senior at CSUSM, expected to graduate this May and LIT/ LWTR Major. Enjoy my work titled “mustard’s captives” and I plan to either become a Deaf teacher or Deaf Forester/ Deaf Ranger in National Parks Service. 

Note: The yellow mustard is a highly invasive plant in Baja CA meaning in San Diego as well, which is what this piece is about 🙂 

A. V. Bailey

It’s Been a Month Since I Kissed Someone that Wasn’t You

I set my alarm clock
With my calculator
Hoping to get extra credit in math
after oversleeping

I responded “you too”
When the waiter said “Enjoy your food”
Hoping someday I would wait on him 
so that the phrase would apply

I would rather go forwards going into
The wrong room
Than to immediately turn back around
Hoping that this embarrassing occurrence would
Somehow change my life for the good

I said “I’m sorry”
To an inanimate object
For bumping into it
Hoping to be forgiven

I opened my mouth 
To tell you my good news
But forgot we were now strangers
And I walked into a door
Hoping to get my mind off of you

A.V. Bailey is a junior at the University of Indianapolis studying English and Secondary Education. In her free time, she loves reading, writing, piecing puzzles together, and spending time with her family. She hopes to publish many novel-in-verse books in her lifetime.

Kristen Pierce

Quiet

Morning Coffee

The quiet and stillness of early mornings. Soft breezes blowing through the screen of the window onto my tired eyes, flowing past the tropical flora and fauna resting just outside. The glimmering sunlight peering in, softly warming my fluttering eyelashes as I wished to remain asleep. This quiet is warm and serene. It is a haven hidden from disruption and chaos. The only interruption that is welcomed is the kind gesture of coffee. You make my morning indulgence exactly how I prefer it; you take care to measure the milk right, warming it perfectly, and brewing freshly crushed beans right over the dairy. The smell of the hot beverage meets my nose and softly awakens me from the depths of slumber, followed by the gentleness of your voice. Soft whispers of “Good morning” and “be careful, it’s hot” become a daily ritual, kind and protective sweet nothings. 


Absence of Noise

The house becomes quiet and eerily silent. I do not like this quiet. This quiet feels wrong. It feels like it’s going to grab me and pull me down into the abyss of loss, making me succumb to grief and sorrow. This quiet is more than just no noise; it is loudly quiet, too quiet. It is the absence of noise. The absence of you. The house felt quiet before, but true quiet is entirely different. I never thought I would notice the absence, but I did not realize how accustomed I became to the subtle sounds of your company. The jingles of tags around a collar, your song signaling your approach from down the hall. The tip-tapping of nails on the hardwood floor, the subtle tickle in my ear alerting me that you are near and moving about the first floor. The ringing of frequent vacuuming dulls and becomes the chore done the least, as there is no longer as much hair riddled about the carpet and tucked into the corners. But as many people may know, the hair never truly goes away. The deepest sighs of the sweetest freeloader drift off, no longer unimpressed with the lack of snacks every minute of the day. The slightest shift in the house causes me to turn abruptly, hoping you might have returned, but I am only greeted with emptiness. For someone who finds pleasure and serenity in quiet moments, I do not like this quiet. It only reminds me that you were once here, and your silent absence is deafening.


Peacefully alone

I have grown to enjoy quiet moments. After a time of pain and heartbreak, I enjoy taking time for silence. These times may include contemplation, many may not; I use this time to recharge from the continuous expectations and needs of the world outside my space. My days are often non-stop. I work to earn money, I attend school to earn knowledge, I prioritize relationships and friendships to gain joy, and once I return home, I crave moments to simply stare into nothing and escape the reality that requires so much of me. I sometimes use this time to watch various media to zone out, to allow my consciousness to drift and mix with the sounds and pretty colors. Other times I use the time to exercise my mind by reading, journaling, and other crafting hobbies that require an active mind, seeking to learn and create new ideas. More times than not, I use the sacred moments to allow my brain to turn off and daydream; I dream of what I want to do, what I might do, and to imagine future moments I wish to happen. I enjoy allowing my mind to take a vacation for a short while, letting it blow off steam and return to me when it is satisfied with its time off from relentless use and thought. I enjoy this quiet. It may be a boring quiet, but it is a peaceful quiet. My private quiet. 

Love’s Dose

Petals stretch out and up toward the sun,
inhaling its warm, radiant beams,
absorbing into their delicate extremities.

My arms reach out to you,
anxiously taking in your warmth,
consuming the feelings of affection you provide.

Like the sun does for the garden, you
breathe life into me. I am
rejuvenated,
replenished,
reborn
as you continue to love me.
My rose bushes bloom into fullness, 
lacking their painful thorns.
The cherry blossoms awake, flushed,
fluttering in the wind of your sweeping currents.
Grand and strong trees stand tall and full,
full with iridescent green foliage,
rustling and dancing in the breeze of your force.





Kristen is currently studying literature and writing at CSUSM and enjoys writing fiction, poetry, and non-fiction. She enjoys reading fantasy, young romance, and mystery/thriller stories. She is originally from Seattle, Washington and has lived the latter half of her life in California. Kristen hopes to use her literature and writing degree to work for either an independent or major press and/or publishing company in the Pacific Northwest, while also hoping to publish her own written work one day.

C.J. Vanderlipe

YOU FALL IN LOVE

quickly, hastily,
throwing caution to the wind,
accepting issues, rejecting red flags.
You fall in love
by repairing promises
already broken, finding every
reason to attach yourself to a caged bird.
You fall in love
with someone who loves the earth,
not because they find it beautiful 
but because they are too afraid to
fly.

Quickly, Hastily

he leaves her, afraid of 
lingering too long because
when things are not done
quickly, hastily
he gets nervous, and when he
gets nervous, everything moves
quickly, hastily
and that is now a problem for him
because when she told him that she
loved him, it was done so
quickly, hastily
and now that he is gone and they are
apart he feels like this is how things are
meant to be because he feels safe when
things are done 
quickly, hastily.

C.J. Vanderlipe is a Filipino-American author who enjoys writing prose and poetry set within wild and fantastical worlds. Primarily a science-fiction and fantasy writer, he combines strong dialogue with fully realized worlds to ground readers in new, exciting realities. Often taking inspiration from movies, video games, and art, he spends most of his time expanding on worlds or creating new ones. More recently, he has taken a dive into poetry, seeking to hone his skills in prose through it.

Noel Blackwell

Take one, Leave one Part 1

a hand
a foot
take one, leave one
i do not own myself,
You do.

hair
and nails
bound not by fading collagen, 
but by the whim of Your decision
take one, leave one.

a spine 
a rib
You can tear them out if You’d like. 
o need to stand up tall

take this face,
lips and all
I ask is that You leave
My eyes.

So when I cut off my breasts, 
you can have the pleasure 
of seeing mine peer back into you
take one, leave Me

Take one, Leave one Part 2

So when I cut off 
my breasts,
the pleasure is all mine.

I am the weight
of the remnants left
by the things you took,

forgotten assemblance 
of the feminine 
what you deemed feminine.

Even my bones
have to echo
perfect pearly whites,
just like my tits,
soft, pink and supple.

How can I move on
without these pieces?

How, I can move on
without these pieces.
Noel Blackwell (they/he) is a poet attending CSUSB and has been published twice in the student-led, Pacific Review Literary journal. The first one in their immediate family to further their education at this collegiate level, Noel writes from a working class, trans/non-binary perspective. With a passion for education and creativity, he aspires to reach a wide-range audience of youth and inspire them to be their authentic selves.

Lauren Lenyi

you look healthy to me

                                                                 In a world with a set idea of normal,
                                                                          Being anything but that,
                                                                           Is more painful than the
                                                                             “Abnormality” itself.
                                                                             When your normal
                                                       Is rooted in torture, disappointment, and fear.
                                                       How can the others relate to your otherness?
                                                                      The isolation it comes with,
                                                                           Silence or judgment
                                                                     Is one better than the other?
                                                                   And what of the questioning?
                                                    The endless questions about your own misery,
                                                                 The pity, the jokes, and worst
                                                  Utter disbelief, that someone can live as you do.
                                                            That you truly go through that much 
                                                                                    Suffering, 
                                                                                    Planning,
                                                                                   Lost Time,
                                                                                   Memories,
                                                                                  Happiness.
                                                                           No, that cannot be,
                                                                      “You look healthy to me”
                                                                         I wish that were true,
                                                                    But my shell has hardened 
                                                         And there are no cracks to see through,
                                                            To the truth, the never-ending pain,
                                                               That my body puts me through.
                                                                                   Everyday
                                                          And when there is no one to believe,
                                                                                      Then
                                                                       There is no one to care,
                                                                  To help you plan out the rest,
                                                                         Of your abnormal life,
                                                                     So you can simply get by,
                                                                  Without spending more time 
                                                             In the loop, life has locked you into. 
                                                                        My normal is your hell.
                                                                  And thus, you can’t imagine,
                                                                Can’t walk a day in my shoes,
                                                           To see that yes, I do not exaggerate,
                                                    Your shock does not make my world untrue,
                                                                    The validity of my pain,
                                                               Can only be spoken in whole
                                                          By the one who bares it the most.

Lauren Lenyi is a nineteen-year-old queer, disabled, Jewish woman. She studies literature and writing while working as a tutor and is also an author of the recently released poetry book It Starts with the End.

Adrian Recio

Endless Loop

What is real, are we doomed to repeat?
The sense of déjà vu
The feeling of moments happening again 
The repetition of each day
What is real, are we doomed to repeat?
The days seem to fly faster
The days to months
The months to years

The same thing over and over


What is real, are we doomed to repeat?
The out of body experience 
The questioning of who I am
The realization I am not truly here 


What is real, are we doomed to repeat?
The urge to find the truth
The anxiety it comes with
The dissociation from myself
The next morning to think all of it again

But we are the weird ones

What a Joke 

To hate someone for being human 		To call them weird and unnatural 	

          To think it has only been legalized in 2015 

          And now what?

To see leaders still call it an illness, 

for them to pass a bill to keep teachers shut about sexual orientation and genders 

Yet they do not bat an eye when their Stupid religion is forced on children 

They say it is up to the parents to make the decision about their upbringing 

They think children cannot think on their own

But like me and many others I questioned my sexuality when I was a child 

We did not have support, we were bullied, and suppressed our feelings 

Things a child should not be experiencing 

After time, we finally were accepted 

          And many others were finally able to be themselves 

We were finally being accepted, even by respectful religious people 

Yet our “leaders” saw this and tried to dehumanize us 

And religious freaks believed them 

That in their fairytale book that has been rewritten over and over 

Says we will suffer after death 

They worry teaching kids about sexuality is a terrible thing 

Yet they are only teaching them to hate us and to harm us in any way 

They believe in their false God and believe they are in the right

But we are used to it because there is no hate like from religious freaks 
Adrian Recio is an undergraduate student and passionate writer at CSUSM. He found his inspiration to write from growing up in the Coachella valley where his young mind was exposed to the wonders of the different ecosystems and the vibrancy of the Hispanic culture. He soon realized he could not only observe this phenomenon but also create new worlds and stories about the world around him through writing. He seeks to allow readers into his imaginative mind through his poetry and non-fiction book series which he is currently working on. He aspires to be a published author in the future.

Emily Citlani Martinez

A Body For Me

I don’t know how it started 
I just know that I’m here

I’m here in loose pants 
and looser shirts
and even looser sweaters

I’m here not in shorts 
Never in a skirt
Never showing my leg

Or worse, my stomach

I don’t know when it started.
I just know I see bodies as competitions.

I watch their smaller boobs 
I watch their better thighs
I watch their skinnier waists

And suddenly I am plagued with the
Intense, Breathtaking, Terrifying
realization
That I am not them.

Therefore I am not enough.

I don’t know when it started. 
I just know that I hate it.

I want to smile
I want to dress without fear
I want to not care about how much skin I show or she shows

I want to feel happiness for their love for their bodies
I hate that I feel shame
That I weaponize their joy to hurt myself
That I have so much shame for my body when it’s doing the best it can.

When it is cancer free, and can walk, and has no diabetes 
When it is trying to be the best body that it can be.

I don’t know when it started. 
I just know I want it to end.

Barrio

I used to think
Barrio
Was a bad word

That it meant a bad place

Where 
Hungry 
Desperate 
Mean 
People lived

It’s where I lived, It’s where I grew

 So that means part of me is bad too 

It means neighborhood.

A word full of
White picket fences
Of lucious green gardens
With rainbow sprinkles in the backyard

A place that wasn’t meant for me.
With a word so pillaged by a whiter tongue 
it’s dirty

So that means part of me must be dirty too.

But my barrio is
beautiful and wonderful
And full of life and color and
everything that makes my heart squeeze

It is beautiful, just like me.

Emily Citlani Martinez (She/Her) is a senior at UCI double majoring in Psychological Science and English. When she’s not studying, she likes to spend time with her family and two dogs. After graduation, she plans on continuing with grad school and pursuing a career as a mental health provider. 

Maria Jungers

Million Dollar Childhood

Loud mouths filled with 
Annoying laughter
Cocoa Cola bottles amongst 
A sea of scattered Bingo cards
A pile of pesos mixed with
Dollar bills
And crumpled Monopoly money 
Sit mounted in the tables center

                                Who will win won’t matter

Because this 
Is wealth


Endless trays of lumpia and 
Adobo fried rice
Chaos of kids raising kids 
Running screaming dancing 
Laughing crying hiding in corners 
Time to play hide and seek

                                                     Turn off the lights

Sleepovers and scary movies
Popcorn crumbs and timeless
Elementary pranks
Waking up Christmas morning
Seeing dad wrap presents from Dollar Tree 
And quietly sneak them underneath
Our donated tree


Name-calling and bullying
No take backs
And pillow forts destroyed
Random people and friends
Sleeping and spilling on floors because

             Bunk beds couldn’t hold 
             Everyone
 

 Late night trips to Denny’s
With the five dollars Grandma gave me 
Roller blades around the block
7 hour beach walks
Because Dad said it was free
Countless hours spent at Chuck E. Cheese 
Searching for tokens
Underneath machines



What wealth this brought,
What wealth!
I thought



Saturday morning cartoons 
With leftover Thanksgiving 
White people food

Hand me downs and
Made-up Halloween costume gowns 
Throw a sheet over your body
And poke holes through for the eyes 
Heavy pillow cases filled with 
Candy followed by fillings for 
Cavities that Dad couldn’t afford


                                      This year I’ll be a ghost again



Mahalo
Take off your shoes
But good luck finding them
Amongst the mountain of
Slippers big and small
Old tennis shoes not used for tennis 
Strangers shoes forgotten
Sit sadly on the steps chained to cobwebs

Hurry up and shut the door
So the flies don’t run in and the 
Dogs wont fly out



Don’t ask about the dead 
Dalmatian that Dad found in
His doghouse
His eyes hollow crawling with ants 
Or about one of our ducks that 
Died from a broken heart 
Because our other dog ate his 
Friend for breakfast



Ask me about the birds we kept
In the living room next to the window 
The ones who sang loud and
Obnoxiously
Waiting to be freed
Waiting to be fed
Waiting...



Ask me about summer nights 
Sweaty backs pressed on the 
Cold driveway
Marinating among stars
Day dreaming while we listen to
Dad sing


Ask me about weekly trips to 
The casino
Staring at the mountains 
Fingers crossed waiting for 
Mom to win

                   But whether she wins or not won’t matter

Because this 
Is wealth

Maria Jungers (she/her/hers) is a Senior studying Literature and Writing at California State University San Marcos. She is the Founder and Editor of In Her Space Journal, a literary journal dedicated to uplifting the underrepresented voices of women. Maria plans to continue working on her journal after she graduates and hold workshops that help other writers succeed creatively. She believes that the process of feedback and reading each other’s work is what truly makes a good writer. In her free time, she enjoys teaching yoga, going on hikes by the beach, and long road trips. 

Jasmine Nhi Vo

Mother Lotus

Returning to the candlelight-shrouded cushion next to you For the first time in thirteen years
Might have been less intimidating
Had I not also lost my voice and yours and grandmother’s. This tastes novel,
So I push it around with my tongue to get used to the feeling of scripture in my mouth. I’d spent too long reciting self-belittling thoughts like mantras
And pouring acid into my mind until honey made dissonant calls.
Forgive my rejection
Of the food that nourishes me,
The spirit that keeps me standing.
I could not have found the trust that I now hold in my white-flower compass
Without having first been lost,
So I do not regret leaving so much as I regret
Walking away from you and us.
All that time I couldn’t help but admire how your devotion
Resonates compassion and embodies the truths.
I desperately held onto my clay ego
And in turn surrendered my identity,
But I’d like to think that I can piece together the ashes of who I am.
I come to the humble altar with a different purpose than you, but find the same comfort In the incense that fills the room and our souls.
I see why you like it, how grounding it is.
I could see myself liking it too.
Thank you for taking me back into these empty halls
Though I’m no longer who I was
And this sanctuary is also new.

The Juvenile Way to Grow Old

The free radical theory of aging
States that people grow old because the metabolization of energy Produces unstable byproducts, free radicals,
That damages our cells.
Youth acts quite similarly
In that, through an inevitable series of rather irrational and daft choices, It has caused great problems
For our future selves to pick up.
Yet, I can’t look back
On the horizon of hindsight
With all its blinding colors
And still-crumbling footpaths
And say that I regret
Any of it at all.
Not your blood-soaked letters
That should have never been read, Free Radical,
None of it at all.

No experience is far removed from grief or love, and Jasmine’s writing showcases that. She has been writing poetry for six years in addition to painting, collage-making, and creative writing. Jasmine, also known as Nhi, is an undergraduate at University of California, Irvine as a psychological science major. Her art focuses on themes surrounding the beauty of the mundane, passion, resentment, and the disturbing ease of spiraling into obsession. Recently, her work was displayed at the Vietnamese American Arts and Letters Association’s Rewind, Reverse art gallery in June 2022. More of her art can be found on instagram @/hon.nhii.