i haven’t eaten in months but i’m still not hungry
all the life has been sucked out of me all the intellect, creativity, curiosity the feeling that this world was so much bigger and that I could be a part of such vastness where did it go? - I just had it it ate me up for a long time in the best way, in the way I’m sure every artist knows. mental blockages negative non-stop mind chatter I constantly feel like I’m broken, faulty, send me back to the manufacturer If I were a toy, they’d stuff me back up like a teddy bear until I was able to serve my purpose again because what good is a stuffed animal that is not stuffed? I’m an artist that doesn’t make art a writer that doesn’t write a reader that doesn’t read ... as these labels are being stripped from me one by one by my own doing (my own destruction) I’m left with nothing anymore everything that I pride myself in, that I identify as Is like it was never me or mine, to begin with
Humanities
When I get away from myself Is the best feeling Or is it getting into myself That I’m really doing? Get out of the house Hang out with friends Get a coffee and sit down outside Feel the sun and the breeze Life feels normal again Not so stuck in my head I think it is “away from myself” That would be the correct way to put it Though I don’t like to think That the wave of negative thoughts That blankets over me when I’m alone Is me I like the idea that I am not my thoughts But rather, the consciousness That is witnessing them Therefore I can pick and choose What to pay attention to And what to believe What to embrace And what to ignore It actually sounds pretty dangerous – no, powerful Why don’t they teach us How to wield these weapons in school Self awareness Critical thinking Emotional intelligence How can anyone say The Humanities are not Worth studying
Cool morning breeze of possibilities
There’s something about mornings that cure every hopeless thought and feeling Whatever I did, or more likely didn’t do, yesterday is expelled by the crisp chill of today There are so many hours left in the day I make a list of all the things I need to do And it’s still early enough to believe that I will get them done Yet as the hours pass, and the tasks don’t get completed, I fall back into the familiar mode of hopelessness and darkness Too overwhelmed to try to get anything done Too late to start my list So I wait for the next day and hope I rise early enough To feel the dopamine rush of anticipation Cool morning breeze of possibilities I’m good at making promises to myself But not so good at keeping them
Alexa is a senior at California State University, Fullerton, studying English. She is a Mexican-American, first-generation college student who transferred from Fullerton Community College, where she currently works as a writing tutor. She has always enjoyed writing poetry because of the freedom it allows her to express her thoughts and feelings in a creative way. Her poetry tends to focus on the inner self, and the experiences of what is going on in her psyche in order to find meaning and connection to the world.